So I made it through Kopan

Well that was everything. It was one of the most beautiful pages in the story of my life...and it was difficult as hell....And I laughed so hard and kind of learned to meditate a little bit....and I saw parts of myself that were hard to face, but I did, and parts of myself that make me so thankful and happy to be alive. And in the end I got what I was looking for and a bit more.
Our schedule everyday was quite rigorous and at times overwhelming. Coming in with an American "understanding" of what Buddhism is all about I was in for a shock. At times I even felt like I was at church camp.....and yes Bessie at times like I was in jail, but perhaps the most beautiful and tranquil jail. Like a jail for a white collar crime. I took in so much information and still have so much to research and read. Tibetian Buddhism is an enormous course of study, so one month is perhaps a good start. I'm not even going to begin to speak about emptiness. And the changes in any life are like moving mountains and the rise and setting sun "slowly, slowly" as they say in India. But the way I see the world and the people in it has shifted ever so slightly and just enough to make my heart full.
Buddhism is a science of the mind. It faces the world by exposing it's paradoxical nature. You meditate on death and begin to love life in a new way. Meditate on suffering and find your joy. Liberation from a self cherishing mind is a tough one though and I can't say I'm much closer then I was a month ago. I love and hate so many things, and love more than hate....but I really love a hot shower...LOVE. And the Oakland A's and even though they suck I still love the Raiders. I love a warm, soft bed, and chocolate and coffee and Fenton's Ice Cream (still). And perhaps meditations on impermanance will change this, but at this I don't see that happening anytime soon, honestly. I see the interconnected heart of humanity though and can no longer see a beggar and pass....and in India and Nepal that is quite often.
Reincarnation and Karma are subjects I was once aware of on a certain level, but they make so much more sense.....and are the subjects that will change my life.
And besides that I met the most beautiful people mind, body, soul, and spirit. Really angels. No boredom or lack of conversation and if you read anything on Buddhism read Milarepas biography, Living Buddha Living Christ and Sadartha.
And I could go on and on but I've been in a monastary for a month, so doing anything that does not involve sitting will be great for awhile.
I'm going down to Saranath, India to hear the Dahli Lama and then to Bodagaya, India to hear the Karmapa and then to Goa and then down south to do some yoga and then to the islands off the east coast. But that could all change tomorrow.....and probably will.
Hearing about Donald Bullcoming's death was a shock. And missing the funeral and meeting made it harder......I feel so far away. I had the monks do a medicine puja in his honor and went down to the stupa and found some Tibetian cedar and prayed and cedared myself....and cried all day. He was someone I thought would live forever no matter what. His strength made him seem invinsible....I don't understand. My prayers are with Helen and the kids. He effected so many of us.... my prayers are constant and with everyone. I really wish I could be in a meeting right now or soon. I'm overwhelmed. Nowing death is a part of life does not make it easier when faced with it. It just hurts and makes me feel dizzy. Losing my grandmothers and Donald all this year. Every moment we have with each other is so precious and our life is so fragile. Anyone of us could be taken at any moment. And everyone is precious to someone. I love you all and miss you so much right now. Any and all emails are greatly greatly appreciated. Thank you Jonathon and Bessie for being such faithful friends, and making me giggle. I love hearing about the details of all of your stories. They are all pecious to me. I pray for you all constantly.