Where home is

During this period of transition I have found my heart filled with so many questions. Last night before bed I was thinking of what life would be like upon my return. The thought of being in my car on the way to work and being filled with anxiety about the day to come. Working, working, working and always looking forward to the time when I could travel...relax....and now relaxing, relaxing, relaxing and thinking of when I will be working. So funny this paradoxical life. While contemplating this, and many other of life's continual paradoxes, I wonder why I came to India....or why anyone comes to India....why anyone travels. I have met so many people on this trip with so many different trips. And now that I am finally alone I finally feel the time to expound upon the sentiments I have found. Some have come to escape the tragedy of home, or the turmoil that exists there....for this reason I am not traveling. But this conjures up the question of where is my home. For the entirety of my life home has been in the Bay Area....and now that is not so true as it once was. Having some of my family here and there, as most people do, home has become an abstract concept for me rather then a place. Also being in this transient space I search for home in my inward parts. My family and friends will always be with me wherever I go........but where to live my life, that is a question that still remains up in the air. Today home is at the Mewar Inn in Udaipur, and tomorrow home will be at the Moon Cafe in Pushkar, and so on and so forth. You know I thought that running to the other side of the world would give me this answer....and coming to India has given me so much more, so much I was not expecting. I guess we travel to see the world, satisfy our curiosity and to be in a space that is not like home....and for me I thought that would be a way of finding where home might be. And I guess right now home is close to my fingers and a key pad. And so in this conundrum I have found solace in writing, and I have discovered what a love I have for the written word. What an extravagant language we have. And the methods in constructing a sentence has become a passionate subject for me.....please read Shantaram....such a beautiful piece of literature. And in traveling I have discovered that tomorrows plans are for tomorrow....don't plan too much. So where home is a question I must leave unanswered. My plans for this trip have been so transmute. I have moved my ticket already once and I'm thinking of moving it again. I love India and I'm finding it hard to leave. So we'll see what tomorrow brings. Today I will rest..........the way my life works this space and time is rare. I'm going to go read my book now...my love.