So I guess I'm going to China!

Well as fate may have it ditching out on this adventure is not an option.....my ticket from Beijing to SanFrancisco is non- refundable. So I guess that means I'm headed north, which is fine and great and I'm excited. I am just waiting for my visa to China to be processed, which should finish up around the 1st of March.....and the rest of my travel plans I'll spell out as they come. One of the most boring ways of describing a trip is "I"m going here then there and then I'll go here at this time by train, bus, boat, whatever" So NOW I am in Bangkok, and you know Bangkok is a crazy sort of place. Sort of. It a travelers mecca. Everyone from every facet of the globe comes to Bangkok, some are on their way to the rest of the world and some are on their way home.....and then there are the seasoned sex traveler, who are just here for the business. And you can never tell one from the other by their outward look....

Several of the restaurants and facilities are 24 hour...not that I have taken advantage of this option.....I've been in bed by 9:00p.m. every night (not quite the party girl I use to be)... So anyway the other morning, around 9:00a.m., as I'm walking through one of these all night cafes I notice on odd sort of couple. The man is the average 22 year old American boy....just out of college on his first trip to Thailand sort of look. He is sitting with a he/she Thailand beauty and they have both slurping up the tail end of a juicy cold mug of beer, and who knows where the night....I mean day, might take them. And all of this is from my judgemental snap shot view of the situation, I mean who knows maybe he is a reporter doing a story on the sex industry in Thailand or I don't know anyway, just not the average scene....and not many average scenes....just average for Bangkok.

So my old roommate Jamie and her boyfriend will be arriving in Bangkok on Wednesday night, so that's exciting. It will be great to see some familiar faces and get some fresh juice. You come to a point in traveling where going sight seeing and looking at another temple or palace or museum sounds like a subtle torture on the senses of your soul. You just grow dull to the brilliance. That is such a shame, because some of these places are truly magnificent. So having some fresh meat will help me to see things through there eyes. In some ways traveling is a kind of addiction. I mean there is an endless amount of sights to see on this earth....and most travelers in some form or another are trying to capture just enough to take home and say now I have lived. I've seen the world. I know this trip has satisfied my ego and all of my senses on many levels, but one thing that I wasn't expecting and one thing that I am most satisfied with is that I feel that I've learned how to live. I mean living by myself, and waking up and doing just what I want to do. And finding that I enjoy a very simple sort of life. I love the simple things. Eating, reading, exercise, meditation. A very easy routine. I guess in some ways I have become quite boring.....but that is if you're looking from the outside. Because I'm not bored. And so today I will sort out the remainder of my travel arrangements and then go see the glorious palace and emerald Buddha....and this time I will be using my disposable camera. I've already lost two cameras on this trip...so I'm signing off now. I hope all is well back home. And thank you for keeping up with my blog. I feel a bit self indulgent at times writing this silly thing, so thank you for letting me know you appreciate it and actually read it.

As a sinking ship

And of course the madness is saved until the very end. And since I've left India everything has fallen to pieces. Word to the wise NEVER buy plane tickets until you are a few days from going to your next destination. And make sure you know all of the rules and regulations.....which usually include in the fine print "any changes will cost about the same as the original ticket." So the story goes. If I want to fly home now from Bangkok that's fine, but I'll have to buy a fresh new ticket and get nothing for the old one......or I can wait in Bangkok until March 1st at which time I can figure out a way to Beijing. Then sort out getting my flight date changed....which of course will cost a heap. And until a few moments ago I was walking around aimlessly on the verge of tears. And then of course, Tommy graces me with his short and sweet sentiments that lift the burden off of my shoulders.....Thank you Tommy, we are so blessed! Not just with each other but with an angel of a mother who helps to makes any freak out of mine go from a minor heart attack to a lesson for life, not to be missed. I thank God for the both of you everyday. I grimace to think of what the fire of my life would amount to had God not given me you guys to tend after me. My brother is far to kind in his love for me......Thank you for your words Tom.....

She... (carrie)s herself as a child
who truly knows that it's all magic
In knowing this truth
her smile makes people believe.

divine radiance
Divine radiance like night back into the day
we laugh as children

Sister Friend
You are a deep and familiar place and always a home
Thank you for blazing the trail that I've walked....
it still feels warm and humbling

Koh Phangan

And now I am in Thailand on one of the eastern islands called Koh Phangan. This island is gorgeous. I'm staying in a little bungalow right on the beach in Bah Tai. It is quiet and easy living. I'm properly tan and have finished my book. This island is well known for it's full moon parties.....but I don't think I will be sticking around to check it out. You known I've really tried to understand and appreciate any part of trance music.....but sorry to all of you trance heads, I just don't get it at all. Last night I went to a party in the jungle with the people from my guest house and after about an hour or two I HAD to leave. And that's the way it has been at every trance party I've tried to go to on this trip. It just completely drives me crazy. I can't even listen to it in the background. AHH!

So besides that Koh Phangan is paradise and just what I needed before heading home. In the future I think I will come to Thailand before going to India in stead of the other way around. Thailand is sooo touristy and yeah, it's just so different from India, and I think I'm just missing my India, and my home. So I am in limbo, in Thailand......in between my two loves, and ready to be home. So I'm going back up to Bangkok tomorrow to sort out my ticket home.....and from there I will leave you with my final salute. What an exquisite adventure this has been....

Out of the frying pan

So the magical mystery tour has come to a quiet close......in other words I just left India. It was so hard. I really feel in love with that place. I can't explain it....and perhaps I shouldn't even try. I've been accused of simply being in a state of culture shock, and I can say that's true of the start of my trip. But at that point I didn't really know what to make of it. I didn't love or hate it, I just didn't know what to make of it. It was all so different. It wasn't until that shock began to fade though that I really began to love the place. I can't compare my experience there to any other country I've been and it really wasn't just India it was the way "my trip" went in India, and the way I was treated and just the syncronicity of it all. It was so deeply intoxicting and left me in a such a sanguine state, I will always return. And I can't say that of anywhere I've been.

My last stop was in Mumbai, which is a city I could, and may easily move to. I did a yoga course there that was so exquisite. It was at the yoga institute, which is the oldest yoga center in the country. My lovely best good mate Jon recommended it to me. He took the 6 month course there and is such an inspiring person in every way, he's quite the poster child for a yoga center, so I had to check it out. I learned so much about living life, so I think I may go back for a 6 month course they offer. I could think of nothing more inviting then spending 6 month under the teachings of these debonar women, which 95% of the teachers are. But no plans, because life is a cameleon of possibilities.

The day before I entered the yoga center I spent the day in Mumbai. I went to Leopold's, which was the restaurant that was used as the main stage in Shantaram. I sat at a table and pulled out a brand new book, Karma Cola. One of my favorite things is to have an opened afternoon, a good cafe, and the promise of a new work of art unfolding in the pages before you. With Shantaram still lingering on my pallet though, there was a bit of sketicism on my part as to how this book could compare. Just as my mouth began lapping up the first few pages in walks a couple, of the young and daring assortment. They ask if they might join me, and I willingly ablidge. We begin to chat about what else but our travels, and I come to find that the gentleman, from England, has been bopping back and forth between Bombay and England for the past 17 years. The woman was a yound aspiring Indian DJ, and she had a big gig later that night so was a bit nervous, but I senses this was her character in general. I come to find that these are friends of Greg, the author of Shantaram and he, though currently in Thailand, should be stopping into Leopold's some time in the next week. They give me a bit of history about the book and Greg and I can barely contain myself. The book I have been gushing over! My beloved Shataram, so close. Again my timing in India has made another peek around the corner become a masterpiece. Well, needless to say I never meet Greg, or that would have been my story. Though, this brush with my new found hero was enough to tide me over. The trip 16 hours on the train to Mumbai was well worth it. God I love that city.

So after the yoga course, which had the main theme "mindfulness" I hopped in a cab, and when I hopped out I realized my bag was no longer with me........ My bag holding my cell phone, camera, plane ticket, clothes, and books. Let's see what lesson..lesson's could I ascertain from this experience, at the moment too many to think of. But the entire catclysmic circumstance lauched me onto a plane into the air and now I have landed in Bangkok......

And this is a whole new ball of wax. I'm in L.A......except in Thailand on Monday everyone wears yellow in honor of the king......So from the highway there are thousands of little yellow bodies filling the pavement. I miss India, I miss home......I'm going to the beach. Ko Phangan to be exact.

Things I miss about home: NPR, The Lighthouse Restaurant, the Oakland A's, Sunset, Ladonna's laugh, rocket the alien dog, Tommy's piano and everything else, Watching TV with Jason, Austin's jokes, singing with my Dad, Hopes intoxicating spunk, Dennis playing music, Mom gluing it all together, and the Babe laughing at all of us.....I miss my clan. I miss my friends and I will always miss India when I am not there too. My heart is growing as a Baynon tree....leaving roots all over the forest floor......

Yoga

My time in Pushkar has been very well spent. I've been doing an intensive yoga retreat, not just doing yoga, but also learning the history, meditations, doing cleanses, and breathing techniques. Yoga is a way of living, not just a 30 minute workout and I'm really, really loving it. I leave tomorrow to do a course in Mumbai at the Yoga Institute, which is one of India's oldest schools. This is only a 6 day course, but they also have 1 month and 6 month courses, for teaching yoga...so if I turn out really liking it I might come back....I haven't even left yet and I'm already planning my next trip to India.
So I guess after the course I'm off to Thailand. I'm trying to work out my flight shifts now, but If everything goes well I'll be on a flight from Mumbai to Thailand on the 18th of February. So the thought of leaving India leaves me a bit speechless. I didn't give you my "Holy Cow" bit yet, or...oh there is just so much to tell. I don't know where to begin. For now I just leave saying this about India. This place has to be truly magic to hold this many people that have of this many different religions, languages, cultures and colors and keep the peace......really truly amazing.

The Bible

Such a large and cumbersome book, but you see every traveler from every country with their head stuck in some version of it. And it's funny because as we pack and repack our most necessary possessions, which we must decide are important enough to carry on our backs, this large and heavy book is never left behind. You can almost tell how long a person has been traveling based upon how often they refer to it or how close they carry it. And yes I started with one, but I did quickly discard it. When I revealed this information to a traveler I meet along the way she gasped as if my words were blasphemes. She even said she was going to write home about this brave Indian, sorry I mean Native American, who traveled without one. And if you didn't know better and you watch the way we wander around the world each with a copy of this one book, it does on some level look like we are all from the holy cult of "The Lonely Planet", some being members of the sect "The Rough Guide", but both of the same mind.

On the bus ride to Pushkar I met a sweet Swiss couple who were bright eyed and held their Bible quite close. They asked where I was going to stay in Pushkar. I replied, "Several of my friends who have just come from Pushkar recommended the Moon Cafe so I think I'll stay there." They asked, "Have you made reservations?" I reply, "What?" Not in a condescending tone, just with a certain sense of surprise since I truly hadn't thought of it. They quickly refer to their "good book" and the woman looks at me in shock and awe and a slight sense of disbelief. She proclaims,"But, that place is not in the book!" I told her I didn't carry a book so I didn't know what was or wasn't in the book. She looked at me, I swear, with the same reproach someone would give a true heathen. Needless to say they did not join me at the Moon Cafe.

Traveling without the book just means not staying where everyone else stays, and being in the mental space I am right now, that sounds like exactly what I want to do....I'm even switching out of the Moon Cafe tomorrow, because though it is lovely, there is a bit of a scene there...and as out of character it is for me I am seeking utter and complete solitude right now. And I really don't mean to be blasphemis, I am a believer and follower of the Lonely Planet cult. I have spent countless hours with my head stuck in that book preparing for my trip, or for my next move. And now that I am without the book, I guess there is some excitement to finding a place on my own...without the suggestion of others.

Today I found this lovely cafe called the Dreamland. They have a rooftop restaurant and I decided to duck in to while scrambling away from one of the many beggars India has to offer. And the story to tell about this place I have kept in my hand written journal, and so to avoid repetition I'll just say I enjoyed myself enough that I'm going to return there now for some food and to finish my sweet Shantaram....my bible.

Where home is

During this period of transition I have found my heart filled with so many questions. Last night before bed I was thinking of what life would be like upon my return. The thought of being in my car on the way to work and being filled with anxiety about the day to come. Working, working, working and always looking forward to the time when I could travel...relax....and now relaxing, relaxing, relaxing and thinking of when I will be working. So funny this paradoxical life. While contemplating this, and many other of life's continual paradoxes, I wonder why I came to India....or why anyone comes to India....why anyone travels. I have met so many people on this trip with so many different trips. And now that I am finally alone I finally feel the time to expound upon the sentiments I have found. Some have come to escape the tragedy of home, or the turmoil that exists there....for this reason I am not traveling. But this conjures up the question of where is my home. For the entirety of my life home has been in the Bay Area....and now that is not so true as it once was. Having some of my family here and there, as most people do, home has become an abstract concept for me rather then a place. Also being in this transient space I search for home in my inward parts. My family and friends will always be with me wherever I go........but where to live my life, that is a question that still remains up in the air. Today home is at the Mewar Inn in Udaipur, and tomorrow home will be at the Moon Cafe in Pushkar, and so on and so forth. You know I thought that running to the other side of the world would give me this answer....and coming to India has given me so much more, so much I was not expecting. I guess we travel to see the world, satisfy our curiosity and to be in a space that is not like home....and for me I thought that would be a way of finding where home might be. And I guess right now home is close to my fingers and a key pad. And so in this conundrum I have found solace in writing, and I have discovered what a love I have for the written word. What an extravagant language we have. And the methods in constructing a sentence has become a passionate subject for me.....please read Shantaram....such a beautiful piece of literature. And in traveling I have discovered that tomorrows plans are for tomorrow....don't plan too much. So where home is a question I must leave unanswered. My plans for this trip have been so transmute. I have moved my ticket already once and I'm thinking of moving it again. I love India and I'm finding it hard to leave. So we'll see what tomorrow brings. Today I will rest..........the way my life works this space and time is rare. I'm going to go read my book now...my love.